| Saturday, January 15, 2005 - 08:51 am |
Kyle, that's just wrong. At least put a little more thought into it than that if you're going to do it. I mean, that's just pitiful. However I have just heard over the interplanetary wire that there is an interesting related story. Read on:
Press Release from the White Giant's Roswell Reader, dated October 22, 2237. WGRR: Your official source for the latest news on paranormal activities and odd presidential behavioral patterns.
New evidence Sheds Light on Five Year Old Presidential Assasination case
Nearly five years ago, the President of Quod Erat Demonstrandum (dubbed PP here for convenience and to prevent uttering a despicable name) was assassinated in a military coup by the military of Perlamo. Top secret military files from that regime have surfaced, and they reveal a startling picture. For several decades, PP aligned his [see PP, A5]
PP startling news abount a recent assassination
country with the nefarious UCF. Maintaining high salaries in his country, PP managed to bribe his subjects into submission, despite taking much of the money back in taxes. Through these means, PP managed to accumulate tens of trillions of dolleuros, which he ultimately spent to kill several million of his subjects before they got unruly.
A few years prior to this mass slaughter, he discarded his official ties to the UCF to prevent their reputation from being tarnished any more than it had already been by other UCF leaders. Running out of money, and fearing for his life at the hands of his remaining subjects, PP fled to a faraway country. He quickly gained favor as an experienced politician and military planner, and got elected President, promptly renaming the country QED.
For many years, PP had been eyeing Rat Dance for a possible infiltration to do espionage on behalf of the UCF. Occasional private correspondence between PP and the chairman of Rat Dance started moving this plan forward several decades before PP slaughtered his minions. Finally, with some gifts of inexpensive weapons acquired through his black market corporate ties, PP bribed the chairman of Rat Dance to allow QED to join the fed.
[Editor's note: due to insufficient space, this story will have to be continued in tomorrow's paper]